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On this page, you will find writings
and snippets by me, the most recent at the top of the page.
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The " Leather lifestyle" and BDSM
were slightly different to me. The difference is subtle. BDSM stands for
'bondage and discipline' , 'dominance and submission' and 'sadism and
masochism', things that I do and enjoy. However, the acronym doesn't say
anything about having a Leather family, a heritage or a community from which to
learn how to run a Leather household. To me, BDSM is a listing of the fetishes
that I may or may not do as PART of Leather. The term "Leather lifestyle"
encompasses the 'family' for me and this is what I long for and find important.
So, I DO BDSM, but I and learning to LIVE a Leather lifestyle. But, it's more
trouble than it's worth to change my name. ;-)
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Tolerance is a big thing for me.
When I say, "It isn't all about sex for me" I am merely stating my own opinion
and not trying to condemn those who DO choose sex as an integral part of their
kink. And hell, if I were single, I might be looking for that sex slave too! (of
course, sex is just one example of what I mean by tolerance). Learning to accept
people as they are is one step closer to learning the "truth" on a Universal
plane, to me. However, I freely acknowledge this is sometimes easier said than
done.
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I have always been Dominant, from
the time I was little. I can remember being in Girl Scouts...we were doing a
puppet show using barnyard animal puppets. The other girls MADE me be Bossy, the
Cow. I was hurt, thinking they made me do this because I was overweight, but
they reassured me (I think) that it was because I was so bossy, not because I
was fat. Things like this kept cropping up throughout my life. I just like being
in control.
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Did you know that there are many
cultures that recognize 3rd and 4th genders? In some, they are looked down upon,
such as the Hidra in India. But, a lot of cultures accepted these people as
important and even supernatural aspects of their life. The Berdache of the
Native Americans is the best example I know of. Almost always, 3rd gender
applies to men adopting feminine roles while the 4th is women adopting male
roles. They may or may not be homosexual (although they usually were). Do some
research; it's fascinating.
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I also believe there are subtle
difference between a masochist/Sadist/, a bottom/Top, a submissive/Dominant and
slave/Master (Mistress). My interpretation is based on the "The Nine Levels of
Submission" originally published by Diane Vera in The Lesbian S/M Safety
Manual from Lace/Alyson Press. While I feel no level better than another, I
find than I lean towards the later two in relationships that I desire. Does this
mean I don't have relationships of the other types? No, it just means that when
I am actively seeking, I seek submissives and slaves.
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Level of Submission
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Level of Dominance
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Meeting of the Minds
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The Masochist
This person gets their
kicks solely from enduring the pain and the energies/reactions caused
by it. They want to be hurt, their limits pushed, their physical
threshold challenged. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual
gratification; that would be an "added bonus", secondary to the pain.
Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead
is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.
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The Sadist
This person gets their
kicks solely from inflicting the pain and the energies/reaction
thereof. They want to be the source of this erotic pain and enjoy the
sensuality of the torment. They may or may not want it culminated in
sexual gratification; that would be an "added bonus", secondary to the
pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain;
instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.
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A S/m Relationship
While these people may
find that they do indeed love one another and want to commit to each
other, the S/m aspect is about the giving and receiving of pain. These
people are together usually to mutually fulfill each other's need for
the sensual-ness of S/m. Love and sex are secondary to the enjoyment
each derives from the infliction of pain. In fact, and S/m
relationship can exist without the need of love OR sex on either side.
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The Bottom
Very much into role
playing and sexual gratification. Likes to give up control for short
periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per
say, but into playing the slave or practicing the submissive side of a
fetish. Not into being owned or a 24/7 relationship based solely on
being the bottom. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual
expression.
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The Top
Very much into role
playing and sexual gratification. Likes to take control for short
periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per
say, but into playing the Master or practicing the Dominant side of a
fetish. Not into owning or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being
the Top. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.
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A T/b Relationship
These people are not
looking to form a relationship based solely on the T/b aspect. It may
be, however, that a relationship that has this as an integral part
exists. There is a degree of power exchange, but not for long periods
of time and the time spent together is full of role playing and mutual
fantasy fulfillment.
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The Submissive
Very much into being
directed by the Dominant. Wants to give up control for longer periods
of time or in more intense ways. Is very much into the erotic side of
submission and into servicing the Dominant sexually, but is a little
more reluctant to give in to the personal servitude. Might be into
feeling a 24/7 relationship to one sole person and being collared to
show commitment, but not into feeling "owned" per say The relationship
is seen as something more than just "kinky sex"; a power exchange
takes place.
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The Dominant
Very much into directing
the submissive; orders and details are important. Taking control is
most certainly a priority and is very much into the erotic side of
submission. May not be into being personal servitude, but is most
likely interested in being serviced sexually. Might be interested in a
24/7 relationship with one submissive and collaring such to show
commitment, but not necessarily into "owning" them. The relationship
is seen as something more than just "kinky sex"; a power exchange
takes place.
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A D/s Relationship
Because there is a much
more intense power exchange, or because there are longer periods of
such, most people in this kind of relationship do indeed have a love
or caring aspect in it; there is a certain commitment involved
emotionally. The relationship can be based solely on the D/s aspects
because of this. Each gets fulfillment through the giving and
fulfillment of orders, attention to details, punishment for wrong
doing and sexual control, but not necessarily from being owned or
owning.
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The Slave
Wants to be owned. A sense
of security is gained by belonging to someone. Very much into
servitude; so much so that they are eager to learn the little things
about their owner so that they don't need to be told something in
order to get it done. Certainly into 24/7 relationships and collaring
to show ownership. May or may not be open to the erotic or masochist
side of submission; their pleasure is mostly derived from servitude.
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The Master/Mistress
Wants to own and derives
as sense of satisfaction from such. Very much into personal service
from the slave and the personal attention that involves. Not
necessarily into giving repetitive orders. Very interested in a 24/7
relationship and collaring to show their ownership of the property.
May not be inclined to play sadistically, except to punish; the
pleasure of the relationship comes from owning a person completely and
being responsible for them.
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An M/s Relationship
The focus of this
relationship is of ownership, either being owned or owning. A certain
pride and a sense of fulfillment is gained from such. slaves are
almost always collared to show that they are property and the
relationship is almost always 24/7 and contractual. Aspects of S/m may
come into play and most often sexual control is a goal, but the main
pleasure is from the personal service and attention to detail the
slave brings to the relationship.
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