Scouse B’Stard - Femdom Author

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"Because the majority of the people who write for or visit Femmes are American (Or speak American English, as opposed to British English), I find that my own grammar has become bastardised over the last two years, and I often tend to use American phrases in my stories. Most of the time I mix them up, as sometimes I’m in an uptight British mood, and other times I’m feeling more laid back than Huggy Bear after he has scored some particularly fine hash. As it often takes me ten sittings to finish a story, with my mood dependant on what sort of day I’ve had, the phrases will change from paragraph to paragraph. Then, being a sloppy bastard, I can’t be arsed to standardise it all when I’m doing the final proof read.

Hence the use of phrases like "Panty-hose" rather than the good old British "Tights" (What a boring, anodine word!), and "Panties" instead of "Knickers". Funny isn’t it? I think I’m becoming transatlantic. However, because I’m a Brit, you will mainly see lots of Brit phrases too; It’s usually a pub, not a bar. Arse, not ass. Bollocks, not balls. Our cars have registration plates, a bonnet and a boot, your autos have license (or licence) plates, a hood and a trunk.

Having visited the States on a couple of occasions, this subtle difference in semantics can often lead to embarrassing yet humorous results. For instance, a "Fag" is British slang for a cigarette, (You’re miles ahead of me on this one aren’t you?) yet the phrase "Hey mate, where’s the nearest place to get some fags?", when shouted loudly to the barman in a noisy and particularly rough US 81st Airborne bar in Fayetteville North Carolina, nearly got me fucking well lynched. Oh how we laughed on the way to the casualty department (Or is it ER?). "

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