Dominatrix Guide
How Can I Be A Good Dominatrix?

Also see How to be a Dominatrix - Dominatrix Etiquette Tips

When first getting into the female domination scene, it can often be somewhat intimidating to try playing with a submissive, especially if neither of you have done it before. Here's this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate him. You tie him up, and he is helpless, wriggling with anticipation and lust... and now what do you do?

Play with him! There are all kinds of common objects that produce intense and enjoyable sensations when applied to a helpless lover. Combs for dragging across the skin, feathers for tickling a frantic foot, clothespins (use a couple or use many in artistic rows--these can be as intense as you want to make them!), ice cubes, chocolate syrup, strawberries (ever see 9 1/2 Weeks?), leather belts for slapping or spanking, hairbrushes for scuffing or beating, and of course your own fingers, mouth, genitals, and everything else. Enjoy taking your time with your willing victim; drive him to distraction, then bring him to the edge of ecstasy, then back off and make them beg for more!

Remember, you can set the mood as you wish. You can be playful, amused at your own ineptitude even while your submissive is moaning with desire. You can be stern and commanding, sympathetic but nasty, jolly yet sadistic--anything you please. As long as you focus your attention on your submissive, your slave will have a great time! Relax, go with the flow, and if you stop enjoying it, call safeword--tops can use safewords too.

Of course, there's no need to feel like you need to put all your attention into pleasing your slave; what's a good slave for if not for pleasing his Mistress? There is no doubt that with pleasure it is as good to give as to receive. Just remember, communicate, be sensitive to what your submissive is feeling, and you'll have no problem.

The one thing that is quite important to remember as a dominatrix is that you are responsible for your submissive. As you begin playing with SM, you may well be placing your slave in situations in which he is physically helpless and/or emotionally vulnerable. It is important that you recognize he is placing a great deal of trust in you, and in your ability to handle any situations that may come up. If you're in the middle of a hot scene, and suddenly someone unexpectedly bangs on the door, you may both be startled and shocked--but your slave will be immediately looking to you for protection. If something happens that you didn't expect, take care of your slave first--reassure them that you're not going to let anything happen to him, and then deal with the problem calmly and sensitively.

And don't be limited by preconceptions of what you "ought" to be doing, or worries about how you're not topping "correctly". If you start to feel pressured or insecure, take a step back, and ask yourself what you want out of the scene.  Be honest, not only with your slave, but with yourself. And if you are in the middle of a scene, and suddenly your honesty says "I don't want to be doing this" or "I don't know what my partner wants, or even what I want," then by all means stop the scene--gracefully if possible. Better that than for the scene to drag on until both of you are sick of it.

If you still don't have any ideas, and if your slave is really hot to trot, you can always start playing with your slave and getting them excited in whatever way you know how, and demand that he tell you a fantasy of his, or you'll stop. Talking dirty to each other--trading hot fantasies, knowing that you can make them happen if you want to--is the best way of getting ideas for scenes. This actually goes for ALL sexual play, whether it involves SM or not!

If you think you are a woman with sadistic tendencies, please contact us.  We can help you in many ways by providing related services as well as relevant and useful information to you.
 

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